the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
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I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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