Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
