i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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