I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
