i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
