Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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