Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize