When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
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I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.