last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?