just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship