i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.