how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.