We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
