My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
