Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
