we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize