South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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