theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
