I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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