The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
