Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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