Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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