Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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