first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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