We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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