if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
