i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
