I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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