I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
