he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize