I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
