I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
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On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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