Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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