Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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