i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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