Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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