You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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