I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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