Why are handjobs necessary in class?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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