The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
