Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
