if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
