i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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