I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
