this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
