Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
