heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
