I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
