never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize