its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
