The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
