Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
