I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
