um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
