What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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