areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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