Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize