I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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