6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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