shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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