I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We have started to decorate penises.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
