fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
