i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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