I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
