the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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