I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
