I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
