just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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