he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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