Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
