do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
