New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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