We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
