Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
