just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
