If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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