why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
