I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
