i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
