I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
