i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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