I hate your face
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
