I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
